37

I turn 37 on May 22 of this year and I wanted to give you an idea of what it is like to be 37, by sending out some lines from a great movie, "Clerks" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109445/):

Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many? [long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?

John and the McDonald's styrofoam hand puppet

Somebody wanted to see the hand puppet I made from the McDonald's styrofoam container...WELL HERE IT IS!!!...and John...

Someone asked me where I got the googly eyes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Googly_eyes) for the puppet...Doesn't everyone have a package of googly eyes sitting around at home? I do.

What do you do in the heat of the night?

When it is 106 during the day and 96 at night, what do you do in the heat of the night?

Drink South African wine and smoke Cuban cigars on your front porch...and sweat.

Yeah, I said Cuban...cool part about other countries is that sometimes you can get something you can't get in the US, especially with an embargo in place with Cuba.

Baby Boom

To show you how dull it is in Qatar and to prove that there isn't much to do here, two couples who work for SFS-Q are expecting.

Above is a picture of one of the expectant mothers. She didn't realize it at the time when I took the picture that she was a walking cliche.

Here we see Molly - barefoot and pregnant, wearing an apron because she just made her husband some baked goods (cookies, muffins, etc.), folding their laundry...ah the 1950s are back.

McRoyale with Cheese

At McDonald's in Qatar (http://www.mcdonaldsarabia.com/english/qatar/index.asp), they offer a McRoyale (with cheese) at McDonald's. They also have something called a "McArabia", which is "McArabia CHICKEN": Two grilled chicken patties (de-boned breast meat), Arabic bread, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, garlic sauce, but I got the McRoyale WITH CHEESE. The McRoyale with cheese is the same beef and cheese quantity as the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, but has more fixins' like lettuce, tomato and special sauce...they also have a Big Mac. Also, because cetrain coutries in the Middle East, including Qatar don't allow ham to be sold or imported, the HAMburger is called a BEEFburger even though there is no HAM in the HAMburger. If you go into a McDonald's and by Western instinct say "HAMBURGER", the person behind the counter will look at you funny and SOMETIMES go "BEEFBURGER???" McDonalds needs to have a cross-cultural communications course for all new new employees to combat Western instict in ordering. (To prove that McDonald's is imprinted in the Western mind and especially hardwired into my head, I will demonstrate...."Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun"...I know that jingle by heart...I didn't even have to look it up, but if you didn't recognize that as the 1975 slogan for the MacDonald's Big Mac go here.

Also, the bigger sandwiches come in sytrofoam containers. Yeah! Back to the 70's and 80's again. So much for not using styrofoam to protect the environment. Best part about the styrofoam containers is that you can make McDonald's container hand puppets with them again!

To understand the "Royale with cheese" reference, see the quote below from the movie "Pulp Fiction" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110912/):

Vincent: And you know what they call a... a... a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?
Jules: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?
Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.
Jules: Then what do they call it?
Vincent: They call it a Royale with cheese.
Jules: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?
Vincent: Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac.
Jules: Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?
Vincent: I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King.

Adventures at the Ramada

The names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent or guys who have girlfriends or fiancées...or secure jobs they would like to keep.

I knew Thursday night at the Shehrazad Bar at the Ramada was going to be interesting, when Bob got denied entry due to the fact that he was wearing sandals. The dress code for the Shehrazad Bar is smart casual. NOWHERE does it say "NO SANDALS", but as soon as the "bouncer" saw Bob's sandals he said he couldn't come into the bar. OK, everyone in Qatar wears sandals...but not in this bar. Maybe they have an unwritten "no sandal" rule to keep out the sandaled people (non-Westernized Arabs and blue collar expats). White collar expats and Westernized Arabs usually wear dress shoes or sneakers, but then again I was wearing sandals at work earlier that day. OH WELL ANOTHER D'OHA MOMENT. D'OH...We had walked to the bar (no drinking and driving in Qatar, you drink and drive and get caught by the police, you leave the country involuntarily), but we took a cab back to our villa compound had Bob put on a pair of Tom's sneakers and back we went to the bar in the cab...again. When we walk into the bar, I instantly notice that it's a sausage fest, a helmet party, a room full of swinging dicks...a bar FULL of straight Western and non-Western (mostly non-Western) heterosexual men and Asian prostitutes...and maybe 5 older Western women with their friends or husbands...AHHHHH, D'oha.

The first thing I saw when I walked into the bar was an Asian prostitute go up to Western bar patron and proposition him. I looked at Tom and said that the girl must be a pro. Tom didn't believe me. He was like, "NO they are just friends"...RIGHT (sarcasm).

Next Tom, Bob, and I got our two complementary beers apiece with our drink tickets from the 50 Riyal cover charge.

And then the fun REALLY began...a fight breaks out a foot in front of me between two Asian bar patrons. The cool thing about the fight is that they fought themselves out of the bar. In a bar fight in the States, you would normally stand your ground and have the bouncers push you out of the bar. Not in Qatar, the patrons push themselves outside as they fight. The other interesting thing about the fight is that the area were the fight occured was devoid of people for about 10 minutes. It was like it was hallowed ground that had beer spilled on it.

Not soon after the fight the house band started up. Tonight The Greatest House Band in the World (my name for them, they are called Street Noiz, or some other lame name like that) wasn't on stage. Instead The NEW Greatest House Band in the World (my name for them) was on stage rockin' out. The lead singer had Dee Snider of Twister Sister hair(http://www.deesnider.com/ and http://www.twistedsister.com/), but he was singing like an Asian Meatloaf (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meat_Loaf and http://www.meatloaf.net/). I probably thought this because he sang a decent version of Meatloaf's "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" They also sang "Eye of the Tiger" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_Of_The_Tiger) by Survivor and other 80s and 90s tunes like "I Will Always Love You", the Whitney Houston version, not the Dolly Parton version. The band had these silver lamé outfits with capes...awesome!

But I digress, back to the story.

Tom wanted to know what the name of the band was so, he leaned over to one of the Asian women next to him and said:"What is the name of the band?" Her reply "300 Riyals." He replied back to her: "No, I said what is the name of the band?" Her reply: "OK, 200 Riyals." In case you haven't figured it out yet, "300 Riyals" and "200 Riyals" are NOT the name of the band. Tom got propositioned by an Asian prostitute. Finally, Tom believed me that YES, there were in fact Asian prostitutes at the Shehrazad Bar at the Ramada. A few minutes later Bob got propostioned by a different prostitute..."200 Riyals" she said to him.

So what did we learn by this:
1. The going rate for an Asian prostitiute in Doha, Qatar is 200 Riyals ($54.79 USD at a 3.65 Riyal to the US dollar exchange rate, if you "bargain").
2. Since no one took the "ladies of the evening" up on their offer, we don't know what you get for 200 Riyals...it can't be good and you might have to go see a doctor to make it go away.
3. And YES, there are Asian prostitutes at the Shehrazad Bar at the Ramada, DUH!!!!!!!!

After the band finished it's final set and we finished our quickly warming beers (the AC sucked, but then again it was 100 degrees outside and wall to wall sweaty people inside) we made a bee-line for the 24/7 Dairy Queen across the parking lot where I had a double cheesburger, french fries, a Coke...and finished that all off with a large Snickers blizzard.

After DQ, we hailed a cab, dropped Bob off at his compound while Tom and I headed back to our villa compound to think about the night's events.

So, if you are in town, I'll see you at the Shehrazad Bar. I will buy the first round...but not the prostitutes.

Ed, John, and Brendan at Nizwa Fort, Oman

Sandwitch in the desert

Menu selection from a restauarant in Oman. Saussage Sandwitch...?

Hot, Hot, Hot

It is 11:30PM and 34 degrees Celcius (93 degrees Fahrenheit) in Doha, Qatar.

It was only 40 degrees Celcius (104 degrees Fahrenheit) today during the day.

And it is only May, it gets hotter as we go into the summer! Yeah, air conditioning!!!!

For Doha, Qatar weather updates see:

http://www.wunderground.com/global/stations/41170.html

On the sea floor at 10,000 feet above sea level

On the peaks of Jebel Shams (jebel, arabic for mountain).

I am standing on an ancient sea floor (I have the fossilzed remains of bivalves, sea urchins, and sea biscuits, to prove it) in the mountains of Oman.

Oman

Sorry for the delay in presenting Oman.

Oman was interesting...too many things to describe even in a blog.
Above is a picture from Wadi Shab. The water in the Wadi is green due to a combination of underwater vegetation, algae and brackish water.

In order to get to the caves you have to swim through the green water thorugh a small opening in the rocks (underwater).